Subdivided We Stand Meets Marathon Man

Random Thoughts

I find it amazing that Mr. SubD has known me since I was 23 years old.

I also find it amazing that Mr. SubD does not divulge my "blonde" moments on this blog despite his very strong desire to do so.  (No, I am not a blonde and I apologize to all blondes reading this post.)

Reason #102 why it really pays off to be a mother to a 4 year old -- he tells you that he gets rid of his eye boogers by eating them.

If you can't be bothered to turn your turn signal on, I cannot be bothered to let you turn.  A little common courtesy is all I ask and giving me the evil eye will not change my mind as I am not a mind reader.  Let's face it, if I were a mind reader I would probably be a super hero and wouldn't be stuck in traffic with you.

Of all of my previous hair colors, I think being a redhead is the best.

Reason #103 why it really pays off to be a mother to a 4 year old -- you can teach him the concept of "going commando" as a result of him deciding that putting his pants on sans underwear is perfectly acceptable.

Why is it that Bob can get a haircut for $20 while mine, although a much easier cut, would be double that price?

How many pharmacies do we really need?  I know we have one of the oldest populations, but c'mon at last count there were at least 9 on McKnight with a new Walgreens being built.

A friend sent me the list of top 50 large companies in Pittsburgh to show me (ironically) that mine was about halfway from the top.   I can't help but wonder who these people were and how much they were paid for their vote.

A Quick One While I'm At Work

Happy Anniversary to the lovely Mrs. Subdivided!  Eight years of putting up with yours truly.  An amazing feat of tolerance.

In other news, we've all seen acts of idiocy on the highways.  In fact, if you're paying attention, you probably see at least one daily.

This morning I saw an entirely new brand of idiocy.  One for the ages.

As I'm pulling on to the entrance ramp for I-279, I see a driver in the middle lane of the highway slowing down.  As I approach the top of the ramp, he pulls across both the right-hand lane as well as the top of the ramp, where he comes to a complete halt.

After I have passed him, I look back in my rear-view -- and lo and behold, this einstein is backing his car down the ramp.

Now, we've probably all seen people miss their exit ramps on highways, and then pull over, back up, and take their exit.  In fact, I've probably done this myself.  It's a stupid thing to do, but given the massive amount of driving stupidity that goes on out there, not so bad.

This guy, however, took it to a whole new level by not only passing his exit, but pulling over and backing his car down an entrance ramp.

Moron.

We Had Joy, We Had Fun

The boy was a bit under the weather over the weekend -- and when he woke up a little on the icky side this morning, we decided to keep him home today.  So it's daddy-Adam time here at Casa di Subdivided today.

Which is good, because it gives us time to hone our latest skill -- changing benign song lyrics into something dirty.

Adam comes by it honestly, I have to say.  His old man has been re-arranging song lyrics into marvels of filth for as long as I can remember.  Some personal favorites include my re-worked versions of "The Gambler" and "Rollin' In My Sweet Baby's Arms."  But for sheer filthy genius, I've never topped my version of "Seasons In the Sun." 

The boundries of good taste prevent me from sharing any of those lyrics here, but needless to say we had a lot more than just "joy" and "fun" in my re-working of Terry Jack's classic.  (I should also point out here that there is, in fact, some disupte as to who exactly composed my masterpiece.  My friend John insists that it was his work, and to be honest it does sort of match his personal style -- but I think it's mine nonetheless.)

Anyway, I bring all this up because Adam, at the tender age of almost four, is showing great promise in this area.  I can tell him from personal experience that creating filthy lyrics will get him nowhere with the ladies, nor will most guys over the age of 18 be particularly interested either.  Nonetheless, it's something we're compelled to do, and it can lead to a lifetime of cracking oneself up.

Specifically, Adam likes to re-write the theme song lyrics to his favorite shows.  Most if not all of his work centers around a particular theme.  See if you can figure it out...

(From the PBS-Sprout show "Fireman Sam"...)

Original lyric:
If you're in trouble
give a shout.
He'll be there to
help you out.

Adam's version
If you're in trouble
give a shout.
He'll be there to
poop you out.

(Or, the ever-popular "Bob the Builder"...)

Original lyric:
Can we build it?
Yes we can!

Adam's version:
Can we poop it?
Yes we can!

Of course it's my duty to correct him on these minor potty-mouthed faux-pas -- but I have to say that a little bit of me is pleased with the boy's ingenuity.

Shrimp on the Barbie

Good news, everybody!

Pittsburgh has been selected to host a six-week Australian Arts Festival.

Why is this good news?  Because surely, given six full weeks of Foster's-fueled mayhem, we can find a place for a Yahoo Serious Film Festival.

(Image above stolen with impunity from the official Yahoo Serious Web site.)

(In other news, Yahoo Serious has a Web site.)

Feelin' Kinda Cavalier

Mrs. Subdivided is in Texas for a couple of days -- meaning that it's Daddy time around Casa di Subdivided.  All daddy, all the time.

Which is fine.  In fact, I kind of enjoy being the go-to guy for the kids for a couple of days.  Because let's face it -- when Mommy's around, I'm a distant #2.

So I'm handling things just fine, for the most part.  And when I need a break, there's always our crutch -- Pingu.

I bring all this up mainly to point out that I'm a little pressed for time this week.  Therefore, look for more of the following cheap, pointless sorts of content throughout the week.  Content such as out-of-context links to random YouTube videos, such as...

The Pingu Rap, as performed by, believe it or not, David Hasselhoff

And for absolutely no reason other than it crossed my mind the other day, Ebn-Ozn's cult 1983 hit, AEIOU sometimes Y:

UPDATE:  Shaved Cat

P-G columnist extraordinaire Cat (in)Specter takes on the issue that's dividing the nation -- is it proper to force "urban renewal" on "downtown regions?"

A Cavalcade of Joes

Three separate items about three different Joes...

How great was last weekend with the Marathon Man family?  Well -- really, really great.  If you have a weekend to spare, I highly recommend that you head on down to D.C. and spend it with the Kellys.  You'll be rewarded with big laughs, great conversation, good beer, some out-of-this-world Chinese food, the world's greatest doughnuts, and much more.  Personally, I would steer clear of the cat-pee-scented wine -- but that's just me.  Your mileage may vary.

I'd love to be able to come up with a laundry list of fabulous things we did together, the Marathon Man family and I -- but the truth is, while we did do our share of museum and monument visitation, the best parts of the weekend were just sitting around the apartment, b.s.'ing with the boys and watching their short films (if you go, be sure to ask for a screening of "Uncle Skeeter," a truly funny piece that I'm hoping will have a sequel with a small walk-on role for yours truly.  Nik and Sean, I look forward to the production of "Uncle Skeeter 2:  Skeeter's Revenge"), or dvd's of classic rock performances.  (We watched a clip of The Who from what was clearly their peak period as performers.  I'd tell you the name of the song, but I was too embarassed to admit that I had never heard it before -- I think it was from The Who Sell Out.  Perhaps Joe or Nik or Sean will fill in the blanks here.)

Anyway, thanks to Rebecca for putting up with all of us, and most of all thanks to Mrs. Subdivided for putting it together.  It was fabulous.

And on to Joe the Second...

I've just received word that Joe Matis, whose letters from Kuwait have been excerpted here on this blog, is back in the States -- indeed, he's back home here in Pittsburgh.  Welcome home, Joe, and thanks for a job well done.

And finally, on to Joe Deemer, former co-worker and author of the fine blog "Face Down in the Muck"...

Congrats to Joe on having his play selected to be part of a showcase in New York City.  Here are the details, and here's where you can go to see a short clip from the play.

So that's it -- everything I know about every Joe I know.

Bowels of the World Unite -- You Have Nothing to Lose But Your Lunch

Short on time today -- but I've been meaning to share the latest trend in names that have hit my spam box: (Now updated to include even more fabulous names...)

If I was ever to become an adult film star, I would SO use "Ranching G. Gladiator" as my nom-de-porn. 

Grabass

Final thoughts on my fabulous weekend with the Kellys (aka Marathon Man and Marathon Family), courtesy of my fabulous wife, within the next day or so.  But in the meantime, it's on to a new storyline in Mary Worth...

Hi, I'm Ben.  Welcome to the agency.  Now let me tell you about the great perks here -- two weeks paid vacation, free coffee in the employee lounge, and a free Easter goose!  Whoo!

If you've been waiting to hop aboard the Mary train, now's the time to do it, what with the new storyline and all.  Here's one of several places where you can read it each day, and here's a sort of primer on Mare that I did a while back.

Also, I highly recommend complete immersion into the world of Mary Worth, and that can only be had by enjoying the daily snark on The Comics Curmudgeon -- where, I see, Josh made much the same joke that I did regarding the panel above, only better.

Man, though -- what a great weekend with the Kellys!

Yes Siree, Bob

How sweet it is to have a buddy boy like Bob come down for a weekend visit. 

All thanks and praise to Julie for giving Bob some shore leave.  Bob and I always catch up just like THAT, talk for hours about everything, and it's like we've seen each other every day.  Bob's a comfortable guy to be around, and easily becomes one of the family. In fact there was a moment on Saturday when I had a meeting to go to, and Rebecca and Nic accompanied Bob to the Smithsonian, and I swung the car down to pick them up and watched them on the sidewalk wait for me as I approached and I thought, what a swell looking family that is!  When Bob's around, my boys have somebody who doesn't roll his eyes when they've made the 100th Simpsons' reference in an hour.  Wish our families could all live closer to each other.

We certainly tried, but Bob and I can't drink like we used to.  We were pretty well lit up when we simply shared with Rebecca a bowl of run punch called a Flaming Volcano via three long straws at our favorite Chinese place.  Now, that's really lame.

We set deadlines every night and right up until we returned to the airport that we would come up with a new name for the blog.  Here are some of the possible name changes:

1. Casket O' Fries
2. Nipple Orgasm
3. Green Lantern/Green Arrow
4. Masters of Gilligan
5. Chairman Mao's Office
6. Banana Seat
7. Quisp and Quake
8. Subdivided We Stand

My immediate favorite is Nipple Orgasm.  I like the way it sounds, but I'm afraid I wouldn't like the way it feels.  It's apparent that Bob feels differently.  I don't know; I'm quite sensitive in that region.  And it might be a bit of a fundamental turn-off for all those new Mary Worth readers.

Quisp and Quake is nice because it reflects our era, boys born in 1963 who grew up on TV and breakfast cereals, and who really never grew out of that personae.  That's us.  As a side note I also think that the famous Quisp and Quake vote sponsored by Quaker Oats in 1972 was a seminal event in electoral history that could pave the way for democracy promotion efforts worldwide.  You take a vote...and the loser disappears, never to be heard from again.

Perhaps the most expedient thing to do, the plan that makes the most sense and has the greatest chance for success is to retain the name Subdivided We Stand.  I love it and I made a pitch for keeping it.  We don't need the Marathon Man part in the title.  Heck, I'm not necessarily going to run a marathon again.  I did it already, and I'm not sure I've walked briskly since then!  That was the 2006 me.  But Subdivided We Stand works fine as a co-blog title and as a neat summation of the state of world affairs.

And it's either that...or Nipple Orgasm.

Mr. Subdivided and Marathon Man

To steal a phrase from my hubby.....

If everything goes according to plan, Mr. Subdivided is currently at Dulles International Airport calling a phone number and asking for JFK (aka Marathon Man aka Joe F. Kelly).  I surprised him with a trip down to D.C. to see Joe.  When he left this morning he had no idea where he was going other than he needed to drive to the airport and check in for United flight 7211.  I hope he has a good time and I should get some brownie points for arranging the weekend jaunt.

In other news....

• Apparently I am not as smart as a 5th grader if last night's TV show of a similar name is any indication.  I am however, as smart as a 4th grader as I got those questions correct.  I cannot say the same for the (annoying) guy who was playing for the big bucks.  Twice he had to be saved by ten year olds.  I think the concept of the game is interesting, but there are too many commercials and too much idle chatter.  The guy on last night's episode won $175,000.  He lost on the following question: "In what geological era are we in now?"  Highlight here for the answer (Cenozoic).
• We went to our very first Parent-Teacher conference for Adam.  His teachers told us that he was a pleasure to have in their class.  He calls everyone "Buddy Boy".  We originally thought that Buddy Boy was reserved solely for his friend Ben, but not so, everyone is Buddy Boy, even the girls.  Seems the boy excels at cognitive skills, which we could have told them before they told us.   
• Kate is learning more new words and phrases every week.  One of our favorites is her version of "I don't know" which comes out as "Idano" (rhymes with Idaho).

You all have a great weekend.  Check back next week as I am sure Bob will have some updates from his trip. 

Julie